YouSeenThat.com: Film Review
Get Smart
by Jamie - July 3rd 2008
“Missed it by a bloody mile.”
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I’ve put off writing this review for at least a good forty-eight hours, and for good reason. Usually I can reel-off my trademark verbal diarrhoea at a blistering pace, but to be brutally honest, I’m not even entirely sure where I should start with Get Smart. If Get Smart were any regular film, I probably would have buried this review quicker than a three hundred pound wop in a shallow grave out in the Pine Barrens… but alas, it hasn’t been that easy. I’m wondering exactly how I should review this puppy. Do I review this film as a standalone piece of entertainment? Do I review it as a big screen adaption of a much-loved television show? It’s a dilemma that’s been gnawing at my cerebral cortex like the proverbial shithouse rat.
After much deliberation, I’ve finally reached a conclusion: regardless of whatever mindset I take into this review, the end result will ultimately be the same - I’m under no allusions about that. So before all of you A.D.D-suffering pricks decide to skip straight to the score, I’d like to inform you that I’ve decided to review Get Smart as a big screen adaption of the popular television series. Hell, I figure that if you are going to borrow heavily from an existing source, at least expect the obvious comparisons. In all honestly, what percentage of cinema-goers are lining-up at the box office to see Get Smart without having ever been exposed to the source material? Considering how lacklustre the Get Smart trailers were, I’d honestly have to put that percentage somewhere around the ‘bugger all’ mark. Sure, the film might attract a few of the younger Steve Carell fans, but that’s about it. So regardless of how I try and justify it to myself, as a reviewer, and to you, the reader, I figure that deep down inside I owe Don Adams, Barbara Feldon and company something resembling a no-holds-barred comparison.
Okay. If you haven’t already made the logical jump, it’s pretty obvious that I’m a fan of the original 1960’s Get Smart television series. As a guy in his mid-twenties, I still have a raft of fond childhood memories that revolve around sitting in front of the television on a lazy Sunday afternoon, watching two or three episodes of Get Smart back-to-back. The Mel Brooks/Buck Henry take on the Cold War was hilarious: the crazy characters, the memorable lines and catchphrases, the beady-eyed Don Adams and the equally doe-eyed Barbara Feldon. Get Smart was brilliant in its simplicity. I’d almost compare it to the concept of gravity: you couldn’t really give a toss how it all works, but you love the very fact that it does work. Hell, even the premise was relatively simple - so simple in fact, that any kid could understand it: CONTROL was the secret, but inept, U.S. spy agency doing battle on a weekly basis against its equally inept nemesis, KAOS. Good and evil. Black and white.
Hmm. A faint smirk has already crept across my face just thinking about Maxwell Smart’s antics. Maybe it’s a case of rose-tinted glasses? The idle reminiscences of a kid who spent too much time in front of the television?
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Maybe… just maybe.
Speaking objectively, the 2008 re-envisioning doesn’t really deviate too far from that core ethos of Get Smart… at least on the surface. The plot is basic: CONTROL headquarters has been destroyed by an explosion, and the identities of all the major field agents becoming compromised, resulting in the newly-promoted Agent 86, Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell) and Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway) teaming-up to thwart a KAOS attempt to kill the President of the United States. Okay, it’s not going to win any Oscars for originality, but as I’ll happily concede, so far the film still more or less sounds like any regular Get Smart episode. Right?
Now remember my qualifier - ‘at least on the surface’. Despite the fact that the general premise of the Get Smart television series has remained intact, I felt that there were some really fundamental cock-ups that killed the film. Don't get me wrong, normally I could overlook one or two small flaws, no film is perfect (even Goodfellas), but there was an entire menagerie of niggling aspects that snowballed into the complete pooch-screw that was Get Smart
Okay, let’s start with the casting/characters. Nearly all of the main characters were there: Maxwell Smart, Agent 99, The Chief, Siegfried, Starker, Larabee – heck, even our robotic friend Hymie pops-up for a cameo. Okay, so far, so good? Negative. I know it's impossible to accurately recast some of these iconic characters down to the smallest detail, and I wouldn't expect them to, but truthfully there were some really odd casting choices, and in some cases, even complete personality-bypasses bestowed. Now I know what you are thinking - you're waiting for me to rip into the two leads, right? Well you'd be wrong. Personally, I had no major issue with the Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway. Carell cops a lot of stick on the Interwebs, but I can't seem to think of another modern comedic actor who could have filled Don Adam's shoes better - any perceived failing on Carell's behalf was really a result of the pathetic material he had to work with. Likewise, Hathaway was an equally decent casting choice for Agent 99 - she's sexy and feisty, and like her male lead, she really was at the mercy of the material. With Carell it was the flat comedic setups, in Hathaway's case it was one of those personality-bypasses I mentioned earlier. For the life of my I don't remember Agent 99 being such a hard-nosed bitch? I'll lay the blame squarely at the feet of the screenwriters for that, shall I? So as you can tell, the leads didn't piss me off, it was more the supporting cast. Let's start with Siegfried (Terrance Stamp). As much as I like Stamp, really, this was an odd choice for the villain. Not only did our limey friend drift in and out of his dodgy German accent at the drop of a hat, but he was sans Siegfried’s trademark moustache! You can’t have Siegfried without the mo! That's a bloody outrage! I breathe deep, trying to forget all about Siegfried. Suddenly I'm reminded of his henchman, the solid, square-jawed Starker. Maybe it was the fourty year haitus, but somehow our loveable Eastern Bloc meathead has morphed into a short, fat, Middle-Eastern beardo. What the hell! If that wasn't irritating enough, it seems like Starker's job has been outsourced to some sort of Jaw's clone (the Bond nemesis, not the shark) drafted straight from WWE central casting.
One piece of casting that I did love was James Caan as the President - very George W. Bush! Caan is a legend.
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At least there was some action, right? Overall the general action setpieces were fine, however the gunfights and hand-to-hand scenes, while well done, were completely out of place in a Get Smart film. Very out of place, like Robocop raising a barn in an Amish community. What do I mean? Well, when I think Get Smart, or generally any other sort of comedy/action spoof, I usually think of slightly drawn-out, almost unbelievable gunfights and arsekickings. There was none of that to be seen in this film. I was very surprised (almost impressed) at how sharp and concise the gunfights were - apparently the new Maxwell Smart is a crackshot with a pistol. Forget about torrents of bullets ricocheting around the place, the gunplay was very much of the 'one shot, one kill' mentality - bad guys were dispatched with a slug the second they appeared on the screen. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see more of this gear in regular action films, but somehow it all felt very out of place in a Get Smart film. I will admit that there were a couple of oldschool slapstick moments, one of which involved a phone and Starker that reminded me of the old television series, although these sorts of scenes were few and far between.
Okay... okay... surely there were some laughs? Get Smart is supposed to be a comedy, right? Comedy is subjective, but from my perspective the film really missed the mark. It didn't miss it by 'that' much, it missed it by a bloody mile. I think I practically lost count of the number of miserably unfunny set-ups or jokes that fell as flat as lead balloon (like the jokes in this review). I chuckled at a couple of jokes, but ultimately most of my laughs from Get Smart came in the form of unintentional cock-ups. Example: The Chief is flying a small plane through the city and Maxwell Smart is hanging onto the wheel for dear life as he tries to climb back in. The Chief says something like “Hold on” and then, wait for it, he proceeds to do a full barrel-roll in the plane, almost shaking Maxwell loose in the process. What the hell? Was that meant to be funny, or what that just completely stupid film making? I’m not even sure that it was an intentional attempt at humour. That sort of random shit wouldn't even fly in a Police Academy movie.... pardon the pun.
Come to think of it, I’ve finally put my finger on the main element that was missing from this big screen version of Get Smart. Heart. Soul. Essence. What the French would call ‘mon sucre d'orge’. Okay, that’s actually French for ‘my barely sugar’, but you get what I mean. Get Smart failed to hit a home run on any level. As an adaption of the old television series, this effort didn’t even come close to capturing the magic of original. As a standalone film, there’s really nothing new to bring to the table that Austin Powers or a similar spy spoof hasn’t already done before, and probably a lot better.
Oh well, I'm off to buy Get Smart season 1 on DVD.
The A.D.D. Version:
This big screen adaption was a flat, idiotic and largely unfunny slap in the face for Get Smart fans. Even if you were lucky enough to have been living under a rock for the past forty years, and weren’t familiar with the source material, it would barely be considered entertaining as a standalone film. It almost made the latest Indiana Jones film look like Citizen Kane with space aliens.
Random Observations:
See This Film If You Like:
The YouSeenThat.Com Popcorn Rating:
I'll give this one an 'Untouched' rating... wait, would you believe a 'Half Full'? Okay. Maybe 'About A Quarter'?.
How does the YouSeenThat.Com Popcorn Rating work?
Well, it works on the theory that the more you enjoy a film, the less likely you are to be aimlessly shoving salty corn kernels into your gob, and a little more focused on what is happening in front of you on the big screen. Therefore, the more popcorn in our scorers bucket, the better the film. Pretty simple, huh?. Think of it as an inverse scoring system.