YouSeenThat.com: Film Review
Sherlock Holmes
by Jamie - December 28th 2009
“The No Shit Sherlock!”
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Let’s get this on the record - the character of Sherlock Holmes is pretty faggy. There, we said it. Now before we get flooded with hate mail from the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, when we use the term ‘faggy’, we don’t mean it in a derogatory way, far from it. Instead, we actually mean ‘faggy’ in the sense that we suspect Sherlock Holmes of taking it in the rectum from a giant black cock. Oh come on, don’t try and tell us that his stupid deerstalker hat and pipe isn’t as camp as Richard Simmons pitching a tent. And before we get flooded with hate mail from the, well, whatever the hell your negro version of the We Hate Whitey Defamation group is, we use the term ‘black cock’ fondly, meaning that we believe the calibre of giant Mandingo horse cock that Sherlock Holmes would take, is indeed epic. So with that admission out in the open, let’s get on with our review of Sherlock Holmes.
So yeah, it’s Sherlock Holmes. Either you know Sherlock, or you don’t know Sherlock. In this latest adaptation from director Guy Ritchie, Detective Sherlock Holmes and his stalwart partner Watson engage in a battle of wits with Lord Blackwood, a nemesis with apparent supernatural powers, as he plots to take over England and the world. On the surface, there’s not a lot out of the ordinary here...
...but you'd be wrong. This is a Guy Ritchie film after all – don’t walk into the cinema expecting the same old tired shit you’ve seen before.
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For anyone that’s read our reviews, you should already know that we here at YouSeenThat.com are big fans of Ritchie – primarily the periods of his career where he wasn’t attached to that piece of gristle in leotards, a.k.a. Madonna. ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ and ‘Snatch’ were great films, not perfect, but pretty damn entertaining. So why would a guy like Guy want to bother making a film about the stuffy old character of Sherlock Holmes? Well you can bet dollars to doughnuts that he’s going to swankify it, kinda like what Richard Cheese does to modern music. If you’ve seen the trailer, and let’s be honest, ninety percent of us wouldn’t have even bothered stepping foot into the cinema unless we had seen the trailer, then you’ll know that Ritchie has certainly brought us a very different version of Sherlock Holmes than we are used to. This version of Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.), whilst still super-intelligent and sexually ambiguous, is actually a bit of a hardcase. This isn’t the deerstalker-wearing ponce with a magnifying glass from those old midday movies that you’ve seen on television. He’s far from being a limp-wristed pussy - Sherlock can rumble with the best of them. Despite the fact that Ritchie took a lot of stick about the boxing scenes depicted in the trailers for the film, according to the books, or at least often hinted at in the books, Holmes was actually a skilled amateur boxer and martial artist. Probably not up to the level of Steven Seagal, but he can hold his own in a fight. It’s not just Holmes either, his sidekick Watson (Jude Law) is worthy of mention. Sure, the guy is a Doctor, but he’s also a war veteran, and teamed-up with Holmes, these two guys are a crime-solving force to be reckoned with.
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Don’t get us wrong, this remake, reboot, or whatever you want to call it, isn’t just one nonstop action fest. As we alluded to earlier, Holmes is still the super-intelligent chap he always was. The story delivers us a Holmes and Watson that have been working together for a reasonably long time, so they naturally have their shit together when it comes to finding and solving clues. Although with that said, if you are one of these brainy individuals that love soduku, reruns of Agatha Christie films, doing their tax, or you’re intelligence level is somewhere on par with Sherlock Holmes, the overall plot probably isn’t anything to write home about. However, as a whole, combine the action, the story, and some great laughs, and Sherlock Holmes is a lot of fun.
Yes, you heard us, it was a lot of fun.
Performance-wise, well, it’s Robert Downey Jr. in the titular role. What can you expect? You can expect Robert Downey Jr., dummy. Like Ritchie, we’ve always had a lot of love for RDJ here at YouSeenThat.com – it’s a shame that such a talented actor had to spend so much of his career rotting in a prison cell, fucked-up on drugs. RDJ has a charisma, presence and a sixth sense for comedy that shines through onto the screen, and while some would argue that he’s not the best candidate for Sherlock Holmes, fuck 'em, he did a great job. Robert Downey Jr. is Sherlock Holmes. Even Jude Law was enjoyable, and we usually hate that prick. Mark Strong has certainly seemed to have appeared out of relative obscurity with some interesting performances over the last five years, and here it seems like he's in his element as the villainous Lord Blackwood. Last but not least was Rachel McAdams, who was, well, yeah, Rachel McAdams... nothing to write home about.
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Overall it was hard to fault too much with Guy Ritchie’s ‘reboot’ of the Sherlock Holmes franchise. By no means was it an amazing film, but conversely, it was by no means terrible. We can be harsh critics here on YouSeenThat.com, but there was something about this film that we enjoyed. There were liberal amounts of action, humorous dialogue and the usual crime-solving fare that you would expect from such a film, and while the story itself probably isn’t going to win any Academy Awards, it kept us entertained for the entire 128 minutes. Keeping us entertained is a very difficult feat to do these days. Yes, we are looking at you Avatar!
Regardless of whatever happens to this film at the box office, we get a feeling that the world will be seeing a lot more of Sherlock Holmes in the near future, and if the next film is anything like this one, save us a seat down the back with the cool kids.
Bravo!
The A.D.D. Version:
We've never been fans of Sherlock Holmes, but Guy Ritchie has put enough of the right elements together to make his reboot of Sherlock Holmes certainly worth the price of admission.
Random Observations:
See This Film If You Like:
The YouSeenThat.Com Popcorn Rating:
Can you believe we got through a whole review without using the phrase 'No shit, Sherlock'?
How does the YouSeenThat.Com Popcorn Rating work?
Well, it works on the theory that the more you enjoy a film, the less likely you are to be aimlessly shoving salty corn kernels into your gob, and a little more focused on what is happening in front of you on the big screen. Therefore, the more popcorn in our scorers bucket, the better the film. Pretty simple, huh?. Think of it as an inverse scoring system.